Even among those who are able to see therapy as a potential resource, it seems common to think of therapy as an opportunity to discuss a specific event or experience in life which has led to difficult feelings. And this is a great use of therapy! However, it is not the only (or perhaps not even the primary) way that therapy can be beneficial.

Many of the clients in my practice begin therapy to address feelings of sadness, irritability, or fear which they don’t really understand or see a clear source for. The thing about good therapists is that they are working themselves out of a job, one client at a time, because the task of a course of therapy is to provide someone with a new experience, a new understanding, and a new set of skills for managing life when it becomes difficult (both now and in the future when, inevitably, this will happen again). So, even without a clear understanding of why you’re feeling the way you are, therapy can offer strategies for developing a more productive, meaningful relationship with your emotions which may make difficult feelings more tolerable. You may find new strategies for taking care of your feelings, both on your own and through effective engagement with those who care about you and your well-being. You may find yourself empowered to prioritize efforts that offer improved balance in your life, generating opportunities for peace, power, and joy to offset the difficult feelings which are a natural (and important!) part of our lives.

When I think about therapy, I certainly honor and value aspects of the process which emphasize getting to know areas of concern and understanding both your current strengths and your areas for growth. I deeply appreciate the process of increasing self-awareness and developing good insight, because I believe this work paves the way for meaningful personal and relational growth. But therapy which does not then move toward action – toward learning and implementing new skills and strategies – is missing the mark. To receive support, encouragement, and a place to speak freely is an incredible gift. To find a changed perspective, a new approach, and a set of learnable skills which may make life fundamentally smoother is invaluable to those in the struggle and working to find their way out.

I encourage clients to realize that there is no need to have all the answers before starting the process. It is okay to not know what is leading to difficult feelings. This doesn’t mean you have nothing to talk about – it means you have a lot to discover about yourself and your life!! The goal of the process is to get to know you and your struggle differently. And, perhaps even more importantly, to introduce resources which may make the difficulty more manageable even if you never fully understand what made it so challenging in the first place. If you’re interested in beginning but aren’t sure where to start, start anyway! Your beautiful life is waiting…

pm